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Tag: speak

What is freedom?

There are things you should do and things you shouldn’t. It depends where you are from what these are probably but some are possibly universal. Instinct should never be ignored, how many glorious things are lost because we are trained away from even knowing let alone following our instinct. The fear is us being feral. Who wants feral children or adults? Like animals? Better than zombies so me probably. It’s a fine line – tricky to navigate. When does one push through and extend out of saying what you are meant to say, what’s safe, tried and tested. Everyone has got so good, so right on, it’s lovely but argh say what you feel, be who you are. So boring. Maybe it’s just in my little life right now this feels really relevant.

My kids don’t really roam free. Where to? we live right in the middle of London. They don’t even want to go out alone. I did when I was 8. I did all sorts of crazy stuff but I had a rebellious older brother which probably helped. I’m going to make my eldest walk to the shops on his own. Tomorrow. This is ridiculous. They don’t knock about, run wild and free without an adult nearby. So sad. So safe.

I don’t worry. They are safe ferried around by me. So instead I worry about money, mortgages, careers, love, blah blah and none of us are free.

Our lives aren’t getting free-er (is that a word?) they are getting more fearful and lonely in every which way you look at it. I’m on duty in this house, I am duty bound to make my kids roam free. I am also challenging myself to speak the truth, my truth, my feelings and sense. It’s epic. For me anyway. Trusting my instinct and going for it. Taking the risk.

One life and all that.

Tomorrow I am going to say to my eldest son – speak from the heart and speak your truth. Never feel afraid it’s all you have and if you don’t value it no one else will. Eleven if you get in trouble at school. Gasp.

I want to feel freer, lighter and abundant. I want it for my kids. It’s a work in progress, it will involve life changes. Good. Start tomorrow.

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Nouse

Nicky Nouse. We were saying goodnight to all Canons animals tonight and I am not having it tonight. He refuses to say Mouse. Or Micky Mouse. So I say Mmmmmmmmmmmouse. Nouse. Ok Mummy. Mummy. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mouse. Nouse. Grrrr. After 10 mins I’m irked. What’s the problem? Is he doing this sort of on purpose? He used to say mouse I’m sure. He can say mmm. Quelle problem? I’m confused – my natural state of affairs – but trying to be instinctive. My instinct says that he might be doing this on purpose. So I say ok Micky is leaving, he gets anxious I’m splitting him off from the rest of the entourage. He says Micky I smile and say mouse and he says nouse. Hmmmm. Rafi pipes up from the top bunk poooooor Canon. Just to add to my inner turmoil lol. So I say that’s it Canon Micky Mouse is off. Canon crys, rafi pleads and then magic… Mouse. Long and drawn out. Determined not to hear the dreaded nouse again and ruin the achievement. I high five Canon. Yay. Tuck him and Mick in bed and run. Now lying in the bath finally sort of relaxing and typing me blog. iPad flashes 5% battery. Course. Kids. So that’s all folks : )….