unitedinsite

Tag: little things

I was just about to blog someone else’s story just now that has deeply troubled me this weekend. But it is not my place I realise and so it is deleted. I feel sad because I know that through the real experienced shared stories we connect. My wish to be of some service to someone i love who is facing an unbarable choice has agonised me and I have had really overwhelming feelings that I have found hard physically to sit with. Life can be pretty bloody agonising and the truth of this situation was messy, fearful and harrowing. I have come across a few situations this year where I am opened up to someone’s heartbreaking experience and am compelled to extend and reach out. I am not afraid anymore of difficult things, experiences, thoughts or feelings. I am not afraid of getting it wrong. I just need to be there and maybe even remember to channel some warm golden light – through me not from me. I needed that. I still need that. I also need to remember the darkest hour is that before the dawn. Light comes after darkness and that is our shared condition. After suffering follows peace, the cycle continues we all live it to varying degrees.

But whats dawned on me as i write this (which is why i do write this because it helps things dawn on me) is that I really want to remember to not live my life in a manic busy flurry so that when someone I know is suffering I am not too busy i cant make them a meal so that they eat something nourishing. Something I often forget when furrowing my brow and thinking what to do or say. It’s one of the little things done to honour our times of hardship and something I was struck by in Beirut, the act of sharing and giving homemade food.
It is quite remarkably beautiful.

So even though I have a crazy day tomorrow I will make time to cook a lovely meal for my family and my dear friends who are suffering. They need it practically and I need it spiritually.

Curtainless windows

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So we just moved and I had so many plans to make it PERFEcT in 3 months. It was in a pretty bad way so I must have been mad. Also now we have no money. Every night now I lay in bed it’s still light and look out through my beautiful oldy worldly windows and I feel pretty lucky. Not sure I want curtains but will probably change my mind when winter comes. Loving this summer.

My son shouts a lot. I came home and he cuddled me then we tried to cajole him to dinner. The dinner or bed option worked for a while but now he just says dinner bed and takes himself upstairs. It’s actually a bit scary. No dinner and taking himself to bed and not sleeping. What to do.

Tonight was different tho he shouted a lot. He shouted all day. After no dinner we went to pick up Raf from his friends house (Rafael my baby no 1 now 8) and I took them for ice cream. He ate all his special frozen yoghurt gluten free cone that I drive across north London for. Rafi loves the place. Frozen yoghurt with jelly men and marshmallows and strawberry sauce ? Urgh me I like it completely plain. Anyway after the ice cream Which Canon managed to say Nice ice cream (sorta) I turned on the radio “nooooo” shouts the backseat despot. Nononono the only song not to get a stampede of nos is Pharrell happy which we all used to love and now cannot bear to listen to we have heard it that many times.

Tonight in the end I decided to play my song and sing very loud until we pulled up at home. I felt happy the boys were disgusted : )

Its the little things.