unitedinsite

Tag: crazy world

As long as he is happy…

Well as long as he is happy… This is said to me often about my 4yr old son Canon who has autism. It grates on me. It misses just so much, boxes up our experience with a bow and gives it back to me tidy, nowhere to go. Conversation finished. Superiority established. Wow.

I think i probably would have said it before I had experience parenting my son. Bare with me with this because I’m working this through. Someone i really love and respect said it to me this week and because I was safe I became impassioned. No I cried, that is not enough. It’s not enough for our children to sit vibrating in the corner, spin round the room, grind their teeth staring at nothing humping the floor all day (yes my son can do all 3) everyday because this is our son and we want more. He is happy as Larry checked out and oblivious to us. You wouldn’t say as long as he’s happy if he were on a class A or if he had another physical disability. There is something I feel about the word autism that invites dismissal and patronising behaviour. To the autistic and the parent. It’s interesting. Maybe we think its the parents fault, it might be and we’ve read articles to the myriad of reasons as to why it might be. To the autistic we presume complete incompetence or savant. Its confusing. AND. My experience is all the in between.

I get that the most important thing, the best thing in life is being happy. Maybe he will be happy or maybe he won’t. Somehow though what I hear when you say that is no hope. He is beyond the normal ups and downs, so disabled that he is going to smile through life and not feel the journey like me, the agonies and of course the ecstasies.

As long as he’s happy.. This is what I actually hear:

Why are you speaking? Lets stop. I’m not interested.
Back to the important things…
God forbid you tell me it’s hard you selfish woman.
It doesn’t matter what he does.
It doesn’t matter what he learns.
Let him sit in the corner rocking all day.
I don’t see your struggle to work out this unplanned journey at all and frankly I don’t care.
I don’t see you’re effort to understand and help your child because its so simple.
I don’t see the epic journey you have made from victim, through fighter into loving acceptance and trying to presume complete competence for a child no one else really cares about or thinks capable of much.
I don’t see the epic journey your child is making trying to adapt to the world they don’t understand day after day after day.

What i really hear is that you don’t care to know more.

Is it just me…

I have noticed a few things recently..

The media keeps referring to things but not actually really communicating – to me the layman – what is actually going on…
Isis, Israel, Rotherham, Ebola, Ukraine.
I keep hearing or seeing reports around the crisis in IRaq, the scandal of Rotherham but I don’t feel them connecting with me -why not? Is it just me? Is it possibly the ego of the media wanting to be ahead of the curve so it’s already become a thing- the Rotherham scandal – it’s already being analysed and placed in a context but I am not up to speed and having a hard time finding basic articles that will just tell me what is happening? Or happened. Yes you are very clever, probably way cleverer than me but I dont think I’m stupid so can you just report things properly please so I can understand them? I would like information not always opinions!

Also while I’m on the rant I can feel a real shift in my world, in myself and I see it in others. Intolerance. Intolerance of others, their differences and challenges. Was it always like this? Israelis are greedy, Hezbollah are crazy, Isis are lunatics, Russia has gone mad and China is coming whooohahaha… Everyone is out to get us and we’re f’d so better bomb the nuttiest. The Isis furore is unbelievable. We don’t trust anyone anywhere now.

Syria was fine to mass murder with chemicals but not with knives, that’s it we’re going in. They have those weapons of mass destruction, yes those ones we have, oh and our allies, who have actually used them but we dont like HIM so he cant have them. Oh yes we are a bit f’d but not for the above reasons but because we just can’t play nice even though we learned to at school. Well we did in North London : )

Also political correctness is not cool anymore. Thank God. I have never really approved, its boring, mind numbingly dull, be nice, dont speak you might offend someone. god forbid! they might never get over it. But all we have done is just supress what people think and feel, how can they and us move forward?

AND. Nope I will not state my religion or ethnicity on your form it is not relevant. No I don’t need an interpreter (except when I read or listen to the news ; ) but I can’t find anyone who can work out what is going on either). No black history month is not cool and keeps victims victims. Inclusive history please where we get a good grasp that in every race there has been slavery and exploitation, that we have all behaved unbelievably badly in the past it is not race specific. Lets not keep burdening our children please they don’t need to carry the burden of ancestors long gone.

But let’s teach that there is hope, most of us do not want to treat others unkindly, we are evolving. It is difficult, we are a tricky, prickly, intolerant bunch us humans. God bless us.

FEAR

Now I’m not a big fan of shame. Shame shuts us down and disconnects us. It strangles the loving living breathing energy out of beautiful things. So saying that I am still tempted to call this post “we should be ashamed” I haven’t yet but I probably will because I feel disappointed that on a global scale we act in such a way that I am ashamed of us. Maybe it is disappointed. Maybe I can do with away with shame it won’t bloody help. Let me explain.

I have been listening to LBC a lot recently. I know I know it’s such a BAAaaAad habit because it is designed to escalate, as my wonderful wise psychosynthesis therapist Viv explained today. It bloody escalates me at times, shouting at the radio lol. In general though I have it on when I am designing jewellery for clients, I do this by hand quite painstakingly measured using graph paper and tracing paper and I find it good to have some noise in the background, enter LBC. Most of the time I can laugh, it is funny how opinionated we all are, me included. We are a funny bunch. But there is something painful for me, I have to laugh or otherwise I may well cry. Really.

What the bloody hell am I on. Well I would hope to be on the side of love and good living. These new narratives about Russia and it’s mad, dangerous gangster el presidentay. Yes that nutter who annexes innocent countries we must stop him before he is unstoppable. What do I hear? Fear mongering. Isis oooo people are getting whipped up into a frenzy by monsters hacking heads off, masked animals. This rhetoric just doesn’t feel right to me. Why are we being whipped up again? Call me a paranoid conspirisist if you must but I just see and hear another way for some folk to go ahead and also carry out acts that none us sane and happy and loved up would allow on our watch.

I don’t know who Isis are but I sure as hell don’t buy this strange one sided story we are being force fed. Ok ok I could obviously turn off the radio but I can’t I am transfixed. Again. Again we are called to arms by dubious wierd and slightly mad stories. Weapons of mass destruction hoho we all know that one, don’t get me started. I am started. And i am still way back ten steps behind waving my hands in the air, looking around. who is with me? I am here thinking who the hell are we to say who can and can’t have these bloody weapons? How bloody dare we declare that certain countries can and certain countries can’t! So bloody what if he does? if you put Tony, Sadam and George in a room i am not sure who would appear the most nuts. In bloody furiating. The devastating arrogance. Point your finger and point three back at yourself – never a truer word spoken. Where is the basic self awareness? What the hell are we thinking? Until we stop, really take responsibility for some stupid horrifying choices we have made towards others in the world there will be hatred. Distrust and disgust, I don’t bloody blame them. I would be fucking scared too if I lived in these countries. War on terror! i know who I was more bloody terrified of, pah the whole bloody lot of us were complicit in this one. We are not doing enough to stop these oiled greasy ugly and terrifying machines of words infect us. Not in my name. What a great name for the campaign. Right back in the beginning not in my name. Right back to the know it all arrogance of Europe and the US, the United Nations of arrogance.

Do not get me wrong this nutcase hacking people’s heads off is literally unbearable. Why is he doing it? What does he want and why does he want it? Do I trust the story that this crazy frenzied Islamic army just whirlwinded in from nowhere to threaten us specifically and rampage through the Middle East? That British Muslims, women and children living amongst us are leaving in droves to hack the infidels up? They are monsters, animals, sheer terror to wage war on. They will return blood thirsty. FEAR. I don’t believe in making fear based decisions. There will be no love involved and more generations of us will live the consequences… Fear breeds fear. Let us not respond to this nasty guy beheading people, he is high off the fame andpower we have given him.

Let us not let him, this incomprehensible figure set the global agenda.

Reasons and Cures

Just read another mindblowingly dull article on the causes of autism in today’s Guardian. Infertility treatment apparently. Nil points from me. Nope rings not a single bell. Of all my many problems infertility was not one, quite the surprisingly opposite.

I’m not going to start tonight on what I suspect causes autism on my dark days. Well and light days but light days I don’t ponder it. It’s a bloody fight that won’t be won on this blog I’m sure. Oh alright it’s stupid not to at least summarise now I’ve gone and starteD.. It probably goes Something along the lines of all the crazy stuff we do to our food. E numbers, locust and beetle juice (not too technical I know but you probably know what I mean) and my fave genetically modifying our bloody apples (probably) and rice? i just dont want to know anymore as it makes me feel ill, oh and of course pesticides!?Hello are we really sure? He’ll no we bloody ain’t its just a big global experiment. Nobody upon NO BODY can convince me to be unconvinced. And yes not to sure about vaccines. Sorry if that makes you want to cry. it also makes me want to cry for entirely different reasons. Now I have researched it as much as I can NO BODY will convince me they are safe for eVery little tiny soul. Do I know for sure anything nope. Do I think anyone else is 100%? Nope. So that’s that no real clue but at least I know I don’t know and I’m proud of that and proud that I will think and rethink everything. Lets get it straight I would have been blamed not long ago for not hugging enough. Now at least that I KNOW I can rule out just like the infertility. Phew. 2 down in this blog ; )

Now for cures.
I think I will list them. See what happens.

ABA VB
OT
NAET
GFCF
GF
Cranial
Kinesiology (lucky autocorrect knew that one)
Supplements
Homeopathy
SLT
Pecs
Acupuncture
Chinese herbs
NHS (joke, just seeing if you had fallen asleep)
Massage

There are more I can’t think. I am a big believer in alternative therapies. It’s very simple for me and maybe I’m just like canon as it does seem totally to make sense in my world. I know some seem crazy but here’s why…
Physics. Energy. Everything vibrates at different frequencies. Solid, liquid gas etc. I can look at a table in awe of this fact. Seriously it’s quite crazy but true that lots of tiny things vibrate and conspire to stay together to form that table or even me or you. Now tell me anything rational against alternative therapies. It sounds silly to try to make sense of the non sensical world surely?

Ok how about the fact that we are on a ball floating in the black abyss, we don’t know what we are doing or why we are here. (Said in an Irish accent for full effect like I heard it quoted on bbc4 once by someone I don’t know).

Anyway each to their own I say.