I’m happy. Been busy making house a home. New lights, brilliant amazing revolutionary dimmers fitted (must be light sensorist) and gardening. Really feel like the house is getting back its soul and feeling loved and warm hearted. There are many things wrong in the world but working hard to make sure something feels good is really worth it. I’m feeling it now. Lots of people in my family especially my brother have helped and planted me a beautiful flower bed : ) I will post a photo.
I have a workshop tomorrow at the school and at home. So happy with how little Canon has been getting on at his first few days in reception. What a complete cutey. Jane from Barnet Beam came today. She is awesome. I feel really supported by her and can be really honest. She told me how it is for some of her families today. I won’t repeat as it was said in an genuine, honest and trusting way but it really made me think how lucky we are. In so many many ways. Firstly that although Canon has meltdowns and they feel awful when they happen, especially in front of unforgiving and judgemental strangers, it is nothing compared to how some people have to cope with some of the extreme symptoms of autism, the violence, the agitation all day every day. There are really saints living amongst us, probably without a dime, a life or a minute for themselves. One day I hope I can help do something more to help. Them and their children. What I don’t yet know but I trust something will become clear.
What I can do now is get bloody grateful. Life can always get way worse and the are horrifying things happening all around me.
Secondly I am so glad I have opened up to reading so many paths and experiences of people living with autism, either themselves or in the family. What an awakening. It’s not black and white quelle surprise. It really needs a lot of conscious thought and self examination. There is not one story to cling to but many many many paths and routes to embrace. I feel more relaxed and empowered to find our way, our truth to a story that I will tell as it has helped me considerably to hear other people’s journey. I will endeavour to not be authorative, fearful and close minded.
I am grateful to have been introduced to ABA at a young age for Canon. I feel it has empowered me to live normally. To treat Canon more normally and to bloody toughen up. I know some dont like it or agree with it but I see nothing but improvements and good things for Canon. He is happily doing things now I was praying he might this time last year. Now when I ask him if he is ok and he is he holds up his little thumb and says guuuuuud. I love him. If he isn’t he says nooooo. I think he is happier, more at ease generally. Today he ran away laughing with four petit filous he had liberated from the fridge as I chased him around the garden. He is happy. We are happier. It’s been a hard painful slog for quite some time. Long may it last.