I was talking to a friend today about Canon and I realised I have shifted gears. Not sure from which to what still but I don’t feel as anxious, and as I’ve said before out of anxiety I tend to overdo things, so am in less of a fight, flight and gogogo mode. It’s good I think. And paradoxically of course I am merrily getting quite a lot done. Funny that. Canon hasn’t changed and I’ve already become jaded at any miracle cures having spent the last few years chasing every one. I am also starting to see Canon in a different light. Less of a guilty, heart wrenching agonising white accusatory spotlight glare and more of a heart warming glow. I am blessed and lucky to have my boys. I know that from the bottom of my heart.
The world is feeling very threatening, Ebola, Isis, Russia, Palestine & Israel. It’s in the field. I think everyone is feeling it. My lovely friend who has lost her beloved son Eddie. Horrible harrowing details of a world so vicious , unrelenting and heartbreakingly cruel are ever present. I am thinking of all the mothers tonight longing to feel and hold their babies, no matter how much they have grown. It is not mine to feel today but I am feeling an ache for them and their loss. Powerless to bring comfort. We are all just a moment from this place, the worst most unimaginable pain, finding gratitude to not have to face my worst fear today seems wrong somehow but I know it’s the truth. I am a better person, a better mother when I remember and know in my heart how others are suffering and that i have been blessed today.