Autism thoughts and familiarities

by kat1616

I hate having the tops of my arms touched too
Certain sounds make me jar
Clenching my body and hands in fury like an animal is so familiar
Getting distracted by crazy mind is a minute by minute occurrence
I get a sense I have felt what you felt honey
I get a sense I felt crazy when things didn’t go my way
(Still do sometimes))
I felt crazy when people took something I was enjoying, liked where it was or just didn’t want it moved. I can’t think if I expressed it, possibly not like you but it sure feels like something I’ve experienced.
I’ve felt overwhelmed, manic, like I can’t come back from my anger too my lovely little bear.
I’ve felt baffled by how things work
Unable to let you through
Unable to take anything else in
Unable to look someone in the eyes when we talk or we meet
So raw and so intense sometimes I can’t bear it
Oh I know that one. With pain with sadness with fear with longing

I know I just can’t make head nor tail of the world sometimes, its history its stories
I can’t bare how people suffer literally can’t bare it.
What people do to each other
Other people’s pain sadness fear and longing

It’s the similarities not the differences. I dont think im different from my son I have just learned how to hide most of my feelings and experiences surely. I don’t think I’m autistic? What the hell even is this thing? Do we fight it or love it? Is it a thing or is it just my little boy? My baby I rocked and sang to sleep every night. Well nearly every night.

It’s just another thing that touches the raw, un adulterated heart of life, that makes you feel the vulnerability and harrowing nature of life. It’s innocent, sometimes agonising unapologetic, I am disgusted by it at times but its mostly beautiful? I just don’t get it.
I just want Canon to tell me to talk to me and explain it. That’s what I want.