EEG please

After seeing this a few months ago I am on a mission to get us an EEG.


She is my new favourite person. She answered her email. Well I did email the same email every day for three weeks and it was a generic response but still..

It’s true. They diagnosed a life long neurological condition based on an hour behavioural assessment? No EEG for autism.

No nothing for that.

Oh and while I am on the subject might as well have a rant about these same people that diagnose from behaviours then turn their nose up at behaviour based interventions. (ABA). Weird.

Autism thoughts and familiarities

I hate having the tops of my arms touched too
Certain sounds make me jar
Clenching my body and hands in fury like an animal is so familiar
Getting distracted by crazy mind is a minute by minute occurrence
I get a sense I have felt what you felt honey
I get a sense I felt crazy when things didn’t go my way
(Still do sometimes))
I felt crazy when people took something I was enjoying, liked where it was or just didn’t want it moved. I can’t think if I expressed it, possibly not like you but it sure feels like something I’ve experienced.
I’ve felt overwhelmed, manic, like I can’t come back from my anger too my lovely little bear.
I’ve felt baffled by how things work
Unable to let you through
Unable to take anything else in
Unable to look someone in the eyes when we talk or we meet
So raw and so intense sometimes I can’t bear it
Oh I know that one. With pain with sadness with fear with longing

I know I just can’t make head nor tail of the world sometimes, its history its stories
I can’t bare how people suffer literally can’t bare it.
What people do to each other
Other people’s pain sadness fear and longing

It’s the similarities not the differences. I dont think im different from my son I have just learned how to hide most of my feelings and experiences surely. I don’t think I’m autistic? What the hell even is this thing? Do we fight it or love it? Is it a thing or is it just my little boy? My baby I rocked and sang to sleep every night. Well nearly every night.

It’s just another thing that touches the raw, un adulterated heart of life, that makes you feel the vulnerability and harrowing nature of life. It’s innocent, sometimes agonising unapologetic, I am disgusted by it at times but its mostly beautiful? I just don’t get it.
I just want Canon to tell me to talk to me and explain it. That’s what I want.

Reasons and Cures

Just read another mindblowingly dull article on the causes of autism in today’s Guardian. Infertility treatment apparently. Nil points from me. Nope rings not a single bell. Of all my many problems infertility was not one, quite the surprisingly opposite.

I’m not going to start tonight on what I suspect causes autism on my dark days. Well and light days but light days I don’t ponder it. It’s a bloody fight that won’t be won on this blog I’m sure. Oh alright it’s stupid not to at least summarise now I’ve gone and starteD.. It probably goes Something along the lines of all the crazy stuff we do to our food. E numbers, locust and beetle juice (not too technical I know but you probably know what I mean) and my fave genetically modifying our bloody apples (probably) and rice? i just dont want to know anymore as it makes me feel ill, oh and of course pesticides!?Hello are we really sure? He’ll no we bloody ain’t its just a big global experiment. Nobody upon NO BODY can convince me to be unconvinced. And yes not to sure about vaccines. Sorry if that makes you want to cry. it also makes me want to cry for entirely different reasons. Now I have researched it as much as I can NO BODY will convince me they are safe for eVery little tiny soul. Do I know for sure anything nope. Do I think anyone else is 100%? Nope. So that’s that no real clue but at least I know I don’t know and I’m proud of that and proud that I will think and rethink everything. Lets get it straight I would have been blamed not long ago for not hugging enough. Now at least that I KNOW I can rule out just like the infertility. Phew. 2 down in this blog ; )

Now for cures.
I think I will list them. See what happens.

Kinesiology (lucky autocorrect knew that one)
Chinese herbs
NHS (joke, just seeing if you had fallen asleep)

There are more I can’t think. I am a big believer in alternative therapies. It’s very simple for me and maybe I’m just like canon as it does seem totally to make sense in my world. I know some seem crazy but here’s why…
Physics. Energy. Everything vibrates at different frequencies. Solid, liquid gas etc. I can look at a table in awe of this fact. Seriously it’s quite crazy but true that lots of tiny things vibrate and conspire to stay together to form that table or even me or you. Now tell me anything rational against alternative therapies. It sounds silly to try to make sense of the non sensical world surely?

Ok how about the fact that we are on a ball floating in the black abyss, we don’t know what we are doing or why we are here. (Said in an Irish accent for full effect like I heard it quoted on bbc4 once by someone I don’t know).

Anyway each to their own I say.